My world has become a complex web of tangled possibilities.
No sooner do I untangle one knot,
Find myself enmeshed
In what way can I aim to find the best solution?
The negative vibe catches like a bushfire,
Writing brings me back to the truth.
Turning inwards again.
When did it happen?
It always catches me unaware,
Like a venus fly trap catches the fly.
Dramas created through mis-understanding.
The What IF?
IF I had said YES instead of NO.
If I had stayed on the path that led to the cycle
That keeps spinning,
A treadmill without a STOP button.
I want to leave, but this is the reason I am here,
What for intention that skews?
This is what serves me, so how can I leave this path?
I try to fix something, but my choices make it worse.
My apology means very little.
I drag myself through remorse like a nail into flesh.
Mia Colpa! Mia Colpa! Mia Colpa!
Ripples through tainted veins.
I never meant it that way.
Burning delusions of grandeur.
I have become like ashes in the wind, torn and scattered,
Scurry to collect what’s left
But the ribbons of bones are tangled.
The winter slaughter, two sows sacrificed for the taste of salami synonymous with the Italian tradition for the solstice.
Mindless chatter as we worked, tired for the effort of filling intestines with minced flesh.
Guilt ridden dis-ease
I tried to clean it up.
Busy hands worked.
This is what it must be like to become a human sacrifice to Allah–
Self detonation and
The destruction of the human race.
Splintered flesh, flicked carelessly across the floor.
I want to sit quietly.
I want to find that connection, the place where I am whole
The place where my perceived weaknesses
Are my strengths, then
Reach up, push out and latch on-
Pulling me out of this delusion.