As the foreign one be warned that you will have to “PROVE” that what you do is important, makes a difference, provides an impact, changes lives, enables.
You will be reminded that you are ‘never good enough’,
You must always compromise,
Be the humble hero,
The silent poppy cut down.
You will be cast as the villain, the victim,
And viewed as the poor player who struts and frets on the stage of life.
You will never know what it feels like to play the main part or be the star of the show.
And the characters that tell your story won’t even look like you, they will be altered and hidden inside the fabric of the curtain call.
You will be reminded that, ‘your story is not grammatically correct, alas your English expression needs attention, we do not understand you’.
Your purpose will come to be the insider, to be inside yourself, to remain content with your lot, quiet and unaltered.
You will turn yourself inside out, with thoughts.
And work hard cultivating a sense of peace within: “I must fix this? Where did I go wrong?
Mia colpa! It’s all my fault!”
COVID teaches me to let go of imaginings.
I meditate daily, practice yoga and walk.
Like most others who still have a job, I have been working from home. Sitting in front of a screen, writing emails, attending zoom meetings or speaking on the telephone, justifying my existence in an organisation and working to be understood, clarifying misunderstandings.
The routine has blurred boundaries between what is work and what is homework and what is housework and where does work take place?
I have learnt to drink coffee, a little spark in the day. And the quick thrill of champagne or that glass of wine makes me feel sick.
The current self-improvement goal is to practice mindful eating, instead of gobbling, and looking for more.
I have also found my voice, to speak my truth and use it often.
I notice at times a generational tug of war of what each of us, hold to be true, right, just and fair.
Where do we put our attention to bring equity?
I’ve noticed that I’m ignored, told to ‘take a break’, ‘tone it down’, ‘relax’ ‘you are so passionate’.
I breathe in, a deep breath and as I breathe out I tell myself to simply let go.
I am calm, alive presence.
Like a tree strongly rooted to its place as the elements come and go.
I let go.