I am interested to know what it is that we learn when we are prepared to suffer.
Not by force.
If I am forced to learn then the suffering
Blocks the flow of knowledge.
If I choose to approach my difficulties, my weaknesses with a compassionate heart
I’m ready to observe myself,
feel the sweat, allow the embarrassment
And then work from a place of experience
I know that I’ve been here before in my younger self
The answer lies in my wiser self
To look forwards
Not to look back
This change of life
Pretends to forget
I know more than I realize.
It’s been one month of timetabling every spare second of my day on lesson planning
I have wanted to fly away from this goal so many times
This holding on
to be released, relieved, at ease
Like exhaling from the breath
It would be temporary
The effect of returning to comfort
To remain in the dark
Wondering what if
Fingers in mouth
Nibbling on nails worn
Slipping into silence
Not speaking my truth
Nor sharing my gifts
Introverted tremors unsettling the inner core
The smile distorted to fear
I am brave, courageous, I speak my truth
In that space of ‘education’ the release, relief and ease enabled in what is learnt
It is necessary for my son, for my family, for my friends
For my community.
This is important
Now I know where my roots lie
This is the space from where my parents came from a small village in Calabria
Where community made a good life
The answer is there
Here I reinvent my pathway and honor the lessons learnt.