When you are prepared to suffer

Photo by Mathias P.R. Reding on Pexels.com

I am interested to know what it is that we learn when we are prepared to suffer.

Not by force.

By choice.

If I am forced to learn then the suffering

Becomes resistance

Blocks the flow of knowledge.

If I choose to approach my difficulties, my weaknesses with a compassionate heart

I’m ready to observe myself,

Be exposed,

vulnerable,

feel the sweat, allow the embarrassment

Stuff up!

Acknowledge it.

And then work from a place of experience

I know that I’ve been here before in my younger self

The answer lies in my wiser self

To look forwards

Not to look back

This change of life

Pretends to forget

I know more than I realize.

It’s been one month of timetabling every spare second of my day on lesson planning

I have wanted to fly away from this goal so many times

This holding on

to be released, relieved, at ease

Like exhaling from the breath

It would be temporary

The effect of returning to comfort

To remain in the dark

Wondering what if

Fingers in mouth

Nibbling on nails worn

Slipping into silence

Not speaking my truth

Nor sharing my gifts

Introverted tremors unsettling the inner core

Cracking wholeness

The smile distorted to fear

I am brave, courageous, I speak my truth

In that space of ‘education’ the release, relief and ease enabled in what is learnt

It is necessary for my son, for my family, for my friends

For my community.

This is important

Now I know where my roots lie

This is the space from where my parents came from a small village in Calabria

Where community made a good life

The answer is there

Here I reinvent my pathway and honor the lessons learnt.

Photo by Flora Westbrook on Pexels.com

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