Changing my religion

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I’ve just gone through a mini breakdown and come through to a new awakening.

Deliberately changing jobs, with this sense of purpose and intention, with a tinge of self-doubt, only because I was not quite sure that it would add up to fulfillment, or what it is that I am here to do.

What am I here to do?

In these long days of lockdowns there is an uncertainty, a revaluation and reconfiguring of what truly matters, as we question truth, purpose, and intention. I’m not immune to its presence. Suddenly we no longer have the distractions that stopped us from seeing it before. We are in it, like holding our breath in case we breath in the virus – then we breathe normally again and realise that all is well. Or that striking realisation that I am going to die, one day. It’s at that point that focusing on the breath becomes a clinging to making the most of what’s here now.

I was seeking change for several years, though I was comfortable in my role, I knew the work inside out and the nibble of change arrived when I decided to study a Certificate IV in Workplace Training and Assessment. I felt that it was time for me to pass on my knowledge, that I had reached a point in my career where I could give back. I had reassessed my skills and where they would best serve me and others.

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I enrolled in a course at the local TAFE and lasted one month before I realised that the commitment of two nights per week for three terms was not going to work for me. I rerolled in a course by correspondence and completed it in about the same amount of time, though more difficult and frustrating to serve the compliance of it all, I soon started teaching in a casual role. Though the pay was not going to give me the sustainability I needed to leave my job.

At the same time, I enrolled in a neurolinguistic course that I thought would change my vibe and attract the next career pathway. 

I wanted to teach community development, I wanted to work as a generalist community development practitioner to inform my teaching. I saw the perfect role, applied for it and I nailed it! The change came before the course that was supposed to bring change.

I suppose there are different ways that change might happen, it might not be in the way you expected it. There are many roads that lead to the same place. The learning of the importance of flexibility, though only by going through the pain of self-doubt, of thinking that maybe I had made the wrong choice, instead of asking myself what if it is the right choice, how does that change the way you see it? Initially a sense of regret, for the familiar, grasping at something that was no longer there.

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I admitted a sense of regret “What have I done?” In this space I was lost in the fear of not knowing, of thinking that things had to be different instead of noticing how they were.

I stopped. I observed. The answer is to notice and to react less. I removed the ego. I relinquished the need to be right and to make the other wrong.

I let my chest puff less.

I listened to what people were saying and I did not believe everything that I heard, I made up my own mind based on my own experiences. I tapped into the discourse of curiosity and exploration. I asked lots of questions and expressed gratitude for the new things I was learning.


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All that seemed limited started to reveal itself with grace and ease.

Recently I was offered a job.

I had choice. 

I have choice, a sense of connection and association and knowledge that my experiences now accumulate and serve me and others whom I serve.

I have been working with my first client, a hypnosis case study for weight management.

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I have completed NLP, Meditation and Hypnosis courses, I have more choices now. As I learn this methodology, I have a plan for my writing to transcend beyond the page, beyond written words to living spaces within the mind. Words when activated in the minds of others ripple towards positive change, influencing the creativity of one’s life.

Hypnotic suggestions delivered via written scripts for meditation as expressions of love, of goodness, of what it means to live an ordinary life with grace and ease.

I am a confident coach, mentor and also build capacity through the lessons I teach.

I have an innate sense of love for all beings and want to generate a vibrational sense of giving through loving thoughts. When I see others, I see myself and I know that with this ability to sit with discomfort, appreciate that imperfection is perfection and that we are enough. We do not have to fix anyone, we simply need to be prepared to endure, sitting with it, witness with them the pain, allowing them to transcend in their own right, as their own awakening brings them the choices that they seek.

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One thought on “Changing my religion

  1. Thanks Fortunata for sharing your journey – inspirational and insightful as always.
    Lv t

    Teresa Capetola
    Lecturer in Health Promotion
    Course Director Master of Health Promotion
    Lead in Education for Sustainability: Health, Nature and Sustainability Research Group
    School of Health & Soc. Dev., Faculty of Health

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    Deakin University
    Locked Bag 20000, Geelong, VIC 3220
    +61 3 924 68099
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