Photo by Vie Studio on

I have been busting to write this piece (piss). I am not able to hold on for much longer now.

For too many times I have visited the public amenities with this sense of foreboding and disbelief, flabbergasted by the state in which I find them and the lack of regard for those who arrive at the seat next. How can the sacred throne be treated with the least of respect?

The porcelain throne within the most sacred of spaces, where we perform our most private acts of necessity and abandon with what it seems the smallest of regard for the bum that sits next.

I often find a seat speckled with piss, requiring a wipe down in preparation for the perch; or a bowl plastered with shit that has obviously exploded like a large contained firecracker, leaving the bowl covered in it. The toilet brush in reach, most people seem to have an aversion to using, and left for the next person with which to contend. It’s a lucky dip!

What about the seat that has been left raised by the privileged penis in hand that aren’t able to fathom lowering it as if in vindication towards vaginas or those who choose to sit? 

Then the seat that one finds covered in tiny sheets of strategically placed toilet paper to provide a sanitary surface, again left for someone else to pick off with pinchers or the tweezers in your bag. The psychology speaks to my own fears and a solution to the toilet drama I present here.

I have come to the point of verbal incontinence and so I can no longer hold my tongue, my words my gripe! For to find a clean toilet is a simple human right and surely something we owe each other, an ethical contribution to the greater good. 

This revelation is a simple lesson, of do unto others as I do unto the self. What I expect for myself, I should in turn leave for the next person. 

Toilet gripes I have include:

  • The single sheet of toilet paper left on the roll so that the next person has the responsibility to change the roll. Guilt free for that single sheet left. Thank fully there are plenty of rolls available, it’s when there is a single sheet left without any rolls in sight that things can get precarious, especially if nature calls with number two. Always carry tissues in your bag for the likelihood of this occasion.
  • Another thing is being so desperate to make it to the loo to find that you have nowhere to put your bags, books, or pens except on a pissy, sticky floor or propped on the toilet roll the sanitary bin, or sink, it’s so common. Toilet room designs really need some attention.
  • My final observation is that toilet etiquette is synonymous with a culture that is afraid to truly understand it’s dark side, the need for cleansing the rear, there is a more sustainable manner in which to do this that requires us to wash rather than to wipe and flush. Are we too afraid to contact those parts of us that cannot be seen, nor touch them for fear of getting dirty? We are a society that rely on pulp production and paper towel to remedy this cause. So we wipe and flush away with abandon.

For too long I have been holding on and I have final let the toilet trauma out, to relieve the discomfort that comes from using a public toilet. I trust in the call of nature that maybe those who read this may think that next time they use the public toilet, that they will leave it in a pleasant manner for the next bottom.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

One thought on “Toilet Etiquette

  1. What a symbolic and literal issue to dump on your birthday. Well done Fortunata. I applaud your appall of the porcelain throne.


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